No Marriage is an Island

You may have heard the phrase... "No man is an island." The phrase was written by a Christian, John Donne (1572-1631), in his Meditation XVII in Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions. The entire sentence is...

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.

He was speaking to the interconnectedness of mankind to each other. The phrase is commonly used to mean that a person is not meant to be alone.

I would like to submit to you my understanding that just like a man/woman, No marriage is an island. Marriage needs, and will only truly thrive in...

Community - which is my fourth essential variable for a lasting marriage.

What you must come to realize and accept is that no marriage can make it on its own. We need to invite others into our lives. We need the support, encouragement, wisdom, comfort, joy, and strength that comes from sharing life with a community.

Marriage needs community in happy times and in sad times.

Marriage is enhanced and built strong through friends with whom you can laugh, learn, and live life.

Marriage is held together and saved from defeat through friends with whom you can share your hurts and problems and receive support, comfort, and wisdom.

Community is not so hard to do during the good times. However, it is extremely difficult during bad times, which are the times in which community is so very important.

We tend to want to isolate ourselves, close off, and not talk to anyone when things are not so good. We trick ourselves into believing that no one else has problems and others will only judge us and look down on us. This false perception forces us to surround ourselves with thick walls. We deceive ourselves into thinking we do not need anyone and even if we did, there is no one we could trust to help us. And before we know it, our strength and wisdom runs out along with our marriage because we could not do it alone after all.

In actuality, all marriages have problems. If you know of a marriage that has never had a problem then you do not know that marriage as well as you think you do.

Perfect marriages do not exist, but lasting ones do!

Community is important, but the type of community is even more important..."Birds of a feather flock together." You must decide the type of marriage toward which you want to strive, and then surround yourselves with others who are striving toward the same type.

If you commune with couples who lie to each other, cheat on each other, disrespect each other, etc.; then the odds are you will begin to do the same. If you spend time with persons who see marriage as good only to the point that it satisfies their personal needs, then you will probably begin to think the same.

If you commune with couples who seek to love each other unconditionally, respect and care for each other through the good and the bad, and share a devotion and commitment to stay together through thick and thin; then you and your spouse will very likely portray the same.

Do not misread what I am writing. I did not say, "go find a community full of perfect couples that never have problems and never make mistakes." Remember...they do not exist. Just seek out couples who are putting their whole hearts into their marriage, and are seeking to learn from their mistakes so that they may live each new day with a marriage that is stronger and healthier than the day before.

So reach out and invite others into your lives. Your marriage will benefit. Open your hearts to accept Community. Take a chance and trust that Community to help you through the ups AND the downs of your marriage. You will experience comfort, strength, joy, wisdom, and hope that will be a vital part of your marriage and your life...if you are willing to accept it.

God Bless, emman