Do not settle for a roommate!

O.k., now that you all have had a few days to chew on the Commitment variable I would like to go into the second essential variable...

Communication: "another obvious one" you say. Well, when was the last time you actually sat down with your spouse and intently talked about something other than what's for dinner or the to-do list around the house? When I say communication I am not talking about the constant stream of verbal interaction that occurs throughout your day with or without your mind and heart being engaged. The "how was your day", "when are you going to mow the lawn", "by the way I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow", "baby spit up today", etc. is not the communication about which I am speaking.

I am talking about quality communication. This is so important, yet so under-experienced. Jade and I can go weeks without actually communicating anything of worth to each other if we are not careful. I mean...it is easy to find yourself so caught up in the day to day that you forget about your God given partner in life actually needing some quality company. Before you know it, you wake up one morning and begin to feel like all you have is a roommate that shares the same goals as you, a teammate with whom you share daily duties.

Of course, a spouse should be those things....but a spouse is so much more. A spouse is an intimate part of every thought and every feeling you have. The presence of your spouse should not be mere relief of sharing your daily duties, but a joy and peace and feeling of oneness that soothes your soul. If you are losing intimacy with your spouse, then you are not communicating.

Make sure you make time for you and your spouse to love each other with devoted, focused time talking about your days, your thoughts about how life is going, your challenges, your dreams, your fears, your goals, your dreams, your nightmares, and everything that is you and your spouse. You need time to laugh together, cry together, and hold each other. This is not as easy as it should be.

If you do not do this consistently...when the valleys in your life and relationship come (and they will come), it will be harder for you to communicate through them because you lost the intimacy through lack of communication through the good times. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Lack of communication leads to one wondering what the other thinks, doubting the other will agree, and mistrusting the other's willingness to get involved and devotion to the marriage. When all along, both are guilty of allowing these negative feelings to grow in the silence. When problems come...communication becomes less than before and the issues are then harder to solve because you first have to relearn how to talk to one another honestly and lovingly and open up to each other without fear.

Jade and I started scheduling date nights last December. The busyness of life is too much. If we do not schedule these in they will not happen. We actually have my mom come in town and stay all evening and all night with Caleb. We go out to dinner and then rent a motel room. We spend the entire evening and night just the two of us, focused on each other and our relationship. We talk, play board games, etc. We focus on interactive activities. We do not go to movies because that is not interactive. Do not waste a date night with activities that do not require you to engage each other emotionally, mentally, and physically.

So, there you have it...Communication. Think about it. Do you really communicate with your spouse or are you just getting by with a few daily, monotonous, overly used and rehearsed lines? If not, or if rarely, intentionally carve out some time soon and begin to get to know your spouse again...rather than just hanging out with your roommate.

God bless you all,
emman